You could not make it up

Free Speech: Police Arrest Child For Writing About Shooting A Dinosaur With A Gun

by | 25th, August 2014

Screen shot 2014 08 25 at 12.04.19 Free Speech: Police Arrest Child For Writing About Shooting A Dinosaur With A Gun

 

TO the South Carolina in the US of A, where 16-year-old Alex Stone has been arrested after his cretive writing assignment failed the censors:

“I could understand if they made him re-write it because he did have “gun” in it. But a pet dinosaur?” said Alex’s mother Karen Gray.”I mean first of all, we don’t have dinosaurs anymore. Second of all, he’s not even old enough to buy a gun.”

Investigators say the teacher contacted school officials after seeing the message containing the words “gun” and “take care of business,” and police were then notified on Tuesday.

They searched his locker and school bag. They found no gun. They found no pet dinosaur. But rumour are that in the prequel to his story, Stone made Tyro invisible…

 

 

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A Surprising Retirement Gift…

It was George the Mailman’s last day.

As he did his final rounds he reached the door of the first house and was greeted by a elderly couple who gave him a gift certificate. At the next house, the entire family gave him a set of fishing lures, and at the third house he received a box of fine cigars.
But at the next house he was greeted by a sexy blonde wearing a skimpy negligee. Without a word, she signalled him to come inside. She gently took him upstairs and made mad passionate love to him. George certainly didn’t mind.
She then led him downstairs where she made him a huge breakfast of toast, sausage, eggs and hashbrowns. George was truly satisified. As he leaned forward to get his second cup of coffee, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup.
Curious, he asks the blonde, ”This is all wonderful and I appreciate everything..but…what’s the dollar for?”
“Oh,” says the blonde, “I asked my husband last night what we should give you for your retirement. He said ‘Screw him! give him a dollar!’ 
She beamed at him. “The breakfast part was my idea!

 

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Terrifically Dumb Quotes

Everyone has their dumb moments, it’s bound to happen sooner or later. So if you ever feel bad about saying something stupid, don’t worry, at least it wasn’t recorded for posterity. Here are a few people, most of them very successful, who truly regretted opening their mouths.

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: “I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,”
–Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

“Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.”
–Mariah Carey

“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life,”
— Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign

“I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,”
–Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

“Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,”
–Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .

“That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it,”
–A congressional candidate in Texas .

“Half this game is ninety percent mental.”
–Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it..”
–Al Gore, Vice President

“I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix .”
— Dan Quayle

“We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?”
–Lee Iacocca

“The word “genius” isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”
–Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

“We don’t necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.”
– Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

“Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.”
--Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina

“Traditionally, most of Australia ‘s imports come from overseas.”
–Keppel Enderbery

“If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there’ll be a record.”
– Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

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Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.

A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. “We’re supposed to find the height of the flagpole,” said Bubba, “but we don’t have a ladder.”

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement, announced, “Eighteen feet, six inches,” and walked away.

Junior shook his head and laughed. “Ain’t that just like a dumb blonde! We ask for the height, and she gives us the length!”

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