Clive White’s Blog

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Australia 101 For Tourists

[The questions below about Australia, are from potential visitors. They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour…]
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? [...]

1880 Stage Coach Warning to Passengers

This notice appeared on a sign belonging to the Great Northwest Stage Coach Company, 1880…]
Notice: Abstinence from liquor is requested, but if you must drink, share the bottle.
Forego smoking, as smoke and odour are repugnant, especially to ladies.
Chewing tobacco is permitted.
Gentlemen must refrain from strong language.
Don’t snore loudly, or friction with fellow travelers may result.
Firearms [...]

Brain teaser

A man is sitting in a pub feeling rather poor. He sees the man next to him pull a wad of £50 notes out of his wallet.
He turns to the rich man and says to him,
“I have an amazing talent: I know almost every song that has ever existed.”
The rich man laughs.
The poor man says, [...]

Sunglasses bigger than bikini

Search four three goats

At a Texas high school a group of high schoolers played a prank on the school. They let THREE goats loose in the school. Before they let them go, they painted numbers on the sides of the goats: 1, 2, and 4.Local school administrators spent most of the day looking for #3.
These kids really outsmarted [...]

Jockeying For Position

A group of 3rd, 4th and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack (Churchill Downs) to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry, but mostly to see the horses.When it was time to take the children to the bathroom it was decided that the girls [...]

What a shock

Amazing view

thought for the day

A life spent making mistakes is not only more honourable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.

Husband’s Last Bathroom Suggestion

Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror, complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling me it’s not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. 

“If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between [...]

Bain teaser

Nothing, dumb and nobody were sailing in a boat.
Suddenly nobody falls into the water, nothing told dumb to call the police and what do you think dumb said?
answer in comments

Cartoon

What’s your name?

When a couple caught an intruder in their bedroom, he pulled a gun and announced, “Now that you’ve seen me, I’m going to have to shoot you.”Pointing his weapon at the woman, he said,
 

“I like to know the names of my victims. What’s your name?”
“Elizabeth,”
the woman shakily replied.The intruder said,
 

“I can’t do this – [...]

A Picture Of Me In The Shower

And what were you expecting?

The blonde joke

A blonde goes to get her haircut. The hair stylist cuts for about 30 minutes, hands the blonde a mirror and asks, “How do you like it?”
 
The blonde says, “It’s okay, but could you make it just a little longer on the back?”

Wisdom from elders

Age doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese.
At my age, getting a second doctor’s opinion is kind of like switching slot machines.
Discussing how old you are is the temple of boredom.
Don’t grow old without money, honey.
Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.
Everyone has a gift for something, even if it [...]

Elephant Joke

A jeweler watched as a huge truck pulled up in front of his store. The back came down and an elephant walked out. It broke one of the windows with its tusk and then, using its trunk like a vacuum cleaner sucked up all of the jewelry. The elephant then got back in the truck [...]

Sexy body paint

Wardrobe Malfunction

Sexy Cartoon

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